Beagling

Don’t cycle me repeating and defending and making mo mos and I see me being silly but I am such a reactive beagle, going on instincts instead of thoughts, maybe because I’m thinking so much that the reactions are in place to allow my thoughts to be elsewhere.

A cycle of down, lesson after lesson, I calmed down but my brain was still working overtime, you can tell from my reactions, know myself better now but still have to ride the merri-go-round one more time now that I know what I’m looking out for. Didn’t learn enough or share my feelings enough, I felt angry and the cracks showed, the energy leaks out and makes a muddle of the world, shows us the issue that we most thought would just go away. We deal with it or we don’t, that’s the choice, can see how it makes people angry and divide, we are so much more than that but haven’t developed why yet, will get right on it. He finally made the safe place for us. I sank into it and sighed relief and wonder and happiness for the first time in days. Some of it exercise, some of it avoidance, some of it stuckedness. Mostly just missing him and wondering how to get him to come back but the more you chase the kelpie, the more he runs away. The beagle just runs in circles as long as you pretend to chase her but my will she go fast, legs a-blur, if she knows you’re there and you’re watching. She’ll run right past you just to make you spin around. He finally decided to lay down next to me. We can talk in the safe place, could never ever argue there or see anything but beauty and green. Start small, think big, we can make safe places everywhere, make them more in our nature, my nature, his nature.